I have a running joke with a friend of mine, that his wife is turning my wife into a hippie. MFW (My friend's wife) is suddenly introducing my wife to fresh vegetables, homeopathic remedies and who knows what else.
Deep down there is this fear that one day all of my clothes will be replaced with tie-dyed clothes. My tennis shoes will be replaced with sandals and I'll spend my day at the local coffee shop (not Starbucks) contemplating what's going on in the world. Sports would definitely be off, as our money would have to go to saving the trees. And worst of all, meat would be banned from my house and my family would be turned into a bunch of vegetarians. (Actually, I have nothing to worry about. My friend seems to be unaffected by his wife's craziness. So I should be OK. I think...)
Imagine a world without steaks, chicken, and pork. If I didn't get my daily portion, I'd start to go a little nuts. There's nothing that calms the nerves like a good hamburger. And that's just what Prince Fielder needed last night.
Now most people are going to blame Fielder's edginess on the fact that the Brewers are tanking worse than most of my jokes on this site. But I think there's something more to it. You see, believe it or not, Fielder became a vegetarian in the off season this year.
Now sure, you can believe these quotes from this article back in February...
"I tell people I don't eat meat, and they're like, 'Oh!'" Fielder said, raising his hands and making a sour face. "They forget there's so much other food out there. Beans, rice, tofu. You've got a lot of good food, baby!"
"I really do love meat," he said. "I just had to think about whether I really wanted to keep eating it or not. Since I started, I feel amazing. When I wake up, I'm up. I'm not lying around anymore."
... but I'm not buying it.
You see, every baseball player feels good in February. Especially a guy that's 5'11" and 270 lbs and has rested up from a 162 game season.
But during the season, he's got the grind of 162 games. And suddenly on a hot August night he finds himself playing 1st base for what seems like the millionth inning. And suddenly the hot dog vendor comes down right near first base. That same vendor he's been staring at for months. And all he has waiting on him at home is a steady diet of tofu, beans and rice. And that fan in the front row has ketchup on his face from the hamburger he just devoured. Suddenly he has visions of hamburgers calling his name.
Prince!
Prince!
Come eat me!
...But he fights it off. After all, he's the most disciplined 270 lb man out there. Until he reaches the dugout and his pitcher has poor attitude. He can't take it any more! And that's when he loses it.
So believe what you want to believe. Sure the Brewers are in a slump, but that's not why this fight happened. What really needs to happen is somebody needs to "Get That Man A Hamburger!"
4 comments:
Fielder is like most Cubs fans. They don't like the meat, but sure like the bone.
First of all, I know who you are and you can drop dead.
Secondly, beside the obvious facts that you butchered the punch line and it wasn't going to be that funny anyway you forgot the primary rule of comedy... it must be at least partially based in reality. The Cubs are dominating the division again this year and don't have a legitimate challenger in the NL. Does anyone doubt that their lead will be double digits by September 1? Also, Cubs fans love meat. I don't think vegetarians are allowed to buy anything but standing room only tickets at Wrigley... and they are normally wearing Cardinals gear.
Fielder's real problem is that for the second year in a row the Cubs are going to cruise to the division title and the biggest thing the Brewers might win is a new franchise record for total attendance. Seriously, the Cardinals or the Marlins are most definitely going to beat them for the wild card. Oh, and they traded away their best can't miss prospect to let Cookie Cookie showcase himself in order to get $150 million from the Yankees in the offseason in order to "go for it" this season. Meanwhile, the Cubs are primed to own this division for at least the next several years as the nucleus is locked up for another 2 and the system has a better batch of prospects than they've had in a long, long time.
It might also have something to do with the fact that Prince forgot how to hit this year and realized he's just a slow, fat guy who will probably start to breakdown before he gets to free agency.
Hey, hey now. I'm not sure who "react to me" is, but let's keep it classy. We're not about that on this site....
It’s getting spicy in here.
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