I feel like Seinfeld. "What's the deal with all the names of the horses in the Kentucky Derby?" Seriously, "Cool Coal Man"? That's the best you could come up with. Actually, the horse is probably owned by someone who has made their fortune in the Coal business. And for the record, I'm definitely in favor of "Court Vision".

I could care less about the Kentucky Derby or horse racing in general. However, I'm fascinated by the names of the horses. The creativity some of the owners have put into naming the horses has been spectactular. If you're a horse owner and you're into sports, I've got a couple of great names for you. In order for the name to work, it had to be something that sounded great when the announcer is calling the race down the stretch.

For instance, "And the Band is Out on the Field!" just doesn't work as a horse name. But I think these do.

This Game is OVAH!

And you'd have to say it just like Billy Packer said it during the semi-finals this year. Could you hear the announcer down the stretch saying "This Game is (pause) Ovah" wins the Kentucky Derby.

You are Looking Live

A call made famous by Brent Musburger in the 80's and for some reason not easily available on the net. Who doesn't remember this intro followed by a shot of the field with Brent saying, "You are Looking Live". It just feels like a great horse name.

That Is a Disgusting Act

Who could forget Buck and his famous line about Moss. The funny thing about his comment is the Packers fans are notorious for mooning* the opposing team when they arrive at the stadium. It was just good natured fun.

But this line works because "Disgusting" works on two different levels. Imagine your horse wins by a landslide. How awesome would it be to hear, "That Is a Disgusting Act" wins by 20 lengths?

* Side note here. (And yes I saw Joe Posnanski do this anytime he had a random thought that needed to be added so he put it in italics rather than adding a new post) Did you know that both times Auburn has defeated the top ranked Florida Gators at the swamp, they were mooned by a Grandma? So all you Grandmas that are mooning the Auburn Tigers, please stop?

Batista with the Caaaaaaaatch

It has been openly discussed several times on this site. We have a man-crush on Gus Johnson. And the more I think about it, the more I think he would be perfect to call the Kentucky Derby. Even if you don't care about the Derby, wouldn't you tune in to see Johnson making the call. If Batista with the Caaaaaatch were to win it at the wire, I think his head would explode. Who's against this?

Send it in Jerome

Actually, there are a ton of Raftery quotes that would work here. Man2Man, The Kiss, Onions, the list goes on and on. And just for your sake, when searching for Bill Raftery clips, don't put "Man to Man" and "Kiss" in the search critieria at the same time. I'm still realing from that one.

But really, Send it in Jerome works the best. Especially if it's done in the Raftery voice.

And finally....

Hello Heisman

Just like Keith Jackson said, Goodbye and Hello Heisman. This would be perfect especially if the jockey would strike the Heisman pose at the end of each race.

Honorable mention goes to Boom Goes the Dynamite. It would work, but this clip has been shown on the internet too many times to count.

And..

Buzz Bissinger Loves Blogs. Imagine Bissinger having to read all of the articles in the "Main Stream Media" about this horse as it runs to a Triple Crown.